Life for me never was easy ,but my thirties, were atrocious. Relationships were hard to come by and i spent most of that decade alone. When you spend that much time alone ,you develop,a sense of me against the world . It's not meant to hurt other's it's just a part of your defense mechanism. By now ,i had probably been hurt and trampled on a thousand times and it really took it's toll. I went from being the funny,cute ,smiling all the time ,young man to the Nonchalant ,carefree ,and sometimes abrasive individual i am today. The difference between me and others that may share my present personality ,is that ,i want to do something about it. Trust me ,it wasn't easy becoming this way ,it took the assistance of a lot of Love and losing Love to create this persona. Let's break down the last twelve years of my relationship life and then we'll see if you can determine why i come across as unconcerned ,when actually ,i simply refuse to be stressed out any longer by Love.
I can go back To Tiffany and say that we had a good thing while it lasted ..a beautiful Son(Zairre) and very decent chemistry in other aspects ,but it was doomed from the start and we both knew it..We are great friends right now however and that is how i like it. She was a minor heartbreak ,but a great lesson ,in my steps to become more careful about sharing my deepest love. After Tiffany ,there was Renee. Renee was probably the most unlikely person to hurt me because she was the one whom i honestly decided to be with after Tiffany ...i mean Monogamously as well. She owned a piece of me that she never signed the Deed on and i had to repossess it quickly. She was so nervous about me being away from her that she systematically broke up with me over the imagined circumstances in her head. This was the first time that i was innocent ,but proven guilty by a female's intuition. It wouldn't be the last time sadly enough. Renee broke up with herself and she still won't speak to me today ..citing how much i hurt her by doing all of the things that she imagined i had done...(Crazy as Hell)Bullet Dodged! Then came Linda...wow...Linda was what i call a Bad person wrapped in the most beautiful gift wrap that you can find anywhere. She was elegant,pretty,beautiful,sexy.and very ,very fine...Thick legs..Banging body...Ass for days and would fuck for days as well. She was missing something that at that time was unknown to me as one of my prerequisites..she wasn't very intelligent...not dumb but not very bright.(DJM)..I even tried to rekindle a relationship from the past...no luck! Naundi(Overbearing), short and sweet! Then of course Jennifer...we were good together,but maybe we met too soon...Then came Sabrina Noel, my Syrian-Jamaican-Nicaraguan beauty from London ,England. Now she owned some Real Estate in my heart and mind that only Jennifer and Wanda had owned before...i actually sold her the land that they used to possess at half -price! We were flying high in the clouds for a while and then it happened ,just like Wanda,Tiffany,Renee,Jennifer and a couple of others. when she couldn't figure me out ..she figured she'd get out. All of my relationships in the past few years have ended over things i may have done in my twenties ,but would have ever considered doing in my late 30's and early 40's. They all were attacked by an enemy that you can't defeat from the outside in..the imagination of a woman. Once a woman's mind is set on something...you may as well see it her way and walk away. Someone is trying to tell me something..all of those women can't be wrong about the same thing nor should they be scared off by the same aspect of my personality. I had to look in the mirror and decide what's important to me..i have to get back to being the man i was before the man i am destroys me.
I realize that i have some soul searching to do and i will search my soul alone...but i will be able to save myself because i Believe in Love! When i finally settle down with my favorite lady and we set a date ...The first thing i will say is "Let's Stay In Love"..and our First dance will be off an old Hip-Hop Song...Check this out...
Love Is The Presence Of Our Most High and When it's Destroyed that Is the Hand Of Evil...
Yeah First Dance off of You're All I Need By Meth and Mary....True Story
I can go back To Tiffany and say that we had a good thing while it lasted ..a beautiful Son(Zairre) and very decent chemistry in other aspects ,but it was doomed from the start and we both knew it..We are great friends right now however and that is how i like it. She was a minor heartbreak ,but a great lesson ,in my steps to become more careful about sharing my deepest love. After Tiffany ,there was Renee. Renee was probably the most unlikely person to hurt me because she was the one whom i honestly decided to be with after Tiffany ...i mean Monogamously as well. She owned a piece of me that she never signed the Deed on and i had to repossess it quickly. She was so nervous about me being away from her that she systematically broke up with me over the imagined circumstances in her head. This was the first time that i was innocent ,but proven guilty by a female's intuition. It wouldn't be the last time sadly enough. Renee broke up with herself and she still won't speak to me today ..citing how much i hurt her by doing all of the things that she imagined i had done...(Crazy as Hell)Bullet Dodged! Then came Linda...wow...Linda was what i call a Bad person wrapped in the most beautiful gift wrap that you can find anywhere. She was elegant,pretty,beautiful,sexy.and very ,very fine...Thick legs..Banging body...Ass for days and would fuck for days as well. She was missing something that at that time was unknown to me as one of my prerequisites..she wasn't very intelligent...not dumb but not very bright.(DJM)..I even tried to rekindle a relationship from the past...no luck! Naundi(Overbearing), short and sweet! Then of course Jennifer...we were good together,but maybe we met too soon...Then came Sabrina Noel, my Syrian-Jamaican-Nicaraguan beauty from London ,England. Now she owned some Real Estate in my heart and mind that only Jennifer and Wanda had owned before...i actually sold her the land that they used to possess at half -price! We were flying high in the clouds for a while and then it happened ,just like Wanda,Tiffany,Renee,Jennifer and a couple of others. when she couldn't figure me out ..she figured she'd get out. All of my relationships in the past few years have ended over things i may have done in my twenties ,but would have ever considered doing in my late 30's and early 40's. They all were attacked by an enemy that you can't defeat from the outside in..the imagination of a woman. Once a woman's mind is set on something...you may as well see it her way and walk away. Someone is trying to tell me something..all of those women can't be wrong about the same thing nor should they be scared off by the same aspect of my personality. I had to look in the mirror and decide what's important to me..i have to get back to being the man i was before the man i am destroys me.
I realize that i have some soul searching to do and i will search my soul alone...but i will be able to save myself because i Believe in Love! When i finally settle down with my favorite lady and we set a date ...The first thing i will say is "Let's Stay In Love"..and our First dance will be off an old Hip-Hop Song...Check this out...
Love Is The Presence Of Our Most High and When it's Destroyed that Is the Hand Of Evil...
Yeah First Dance off of You're All I Need By Meth and Mary....True Story
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