My story isn't all about my ability to love other's...it's also about my ability to love myself. I was self-destructive and and not very idealistic. I was driven by a rage that i couldn't and wouldn't comprehend for quite some time . I hated everything and everyone in my life ,including myself,my mom,my sisters and especially my dad. I thought about ending my life as a young boy and even went into the woods and set them on fire ,hoping that i would get caught inside the blaze. I'm not sure what stopped me from doing it...oh yeah Doris Early caught me !...lol!
My young life was an absolute whirlwind of events...i struggled with my childhood. i wanted the adulthood to start ,so that i could get away from my family and run off to do my own thing. My Mom was so hard on me and she knew it . She raised me not to be something that i wasn't and forgot to raise me to be the person that i should become. I came through the craziest times of my life in the craziest periods of time in the craziest neighborhoods in Upstate South Carolina; Tobe Hartwell, HighLand(Spartanburg Version), Spartan Terrace(Stabbin' and shootin Spartan Terrace), then my Mom decided to Move us on up like the Jefferson's one day...so we moved to Lakeshore(wow) and finally Nicholtown. Final Destination ..last stop in i hope you have a plan lifeline!
I moved to Lakeshore , when i was 8 yrs old, i was an innocent child unaware of my own dangers and potentials. My life was all about being Spiderman or Batman, not realizing that the only Hero i needed in my life was...A Black Man. A Black Man named Hezekiah Smith Jr.(My Father). He and my mom ,were like the 1970's version of Itchy and Scratchy from the Simpson's. They fought over everything,but were never fighting over me. My mom ,never threatened my Dad about being in my life,she never even questioned it at all. She seemed content with the fact that she had to somehow raise her little boy into a man. What a Joke! Not my Mom, But the logic of believing that a woman can provide the needed component to developing a boy into a man. It isn't possible ...women do a great job in raising little boys ,but you don't know what it takes to mold a man. You have had a 100 % more man inside of you than i have ,but you can't know ,what's inside a man. I eat chicken all of the time , but i can't build a chicken.
I must have been something like a enigma in The Sho',because i wasn't very well liked at all. I had a very small circle of homeboys and their homeboys hung around because they were around....does that make sense? I fought all of the time as if fighting was my food..it was the Rage inside of me channeling through my knuckles. I was a bully, a Bastard and a son-of -a bitch..the killer B's..lol...I would start a fight in an empty room! This is something that i got from my Father...he was a feisty little muhfucka! He would cut you in a heartbeat and would step over your bleeding body to go eat. I believe that getting my first piece of pussy only made thing's worse for my attitude. I thought that since i was getting some ..now i couldn't possibly be someones little boy anymore. This is where my mom came in..she went nuts after i had my first pussy induced nut and so did i...lol! I loved my mom and up until i started spending time with girl's more than her ,she went on a tirade that never ended until i left home to serve in the Navy.
I was beginning to change by High School and honestly fighting became a stupid thing to me.However, my reputation precede me in most instances and everyone seemed to notice that i had lost that edge in my personality. These kneegrows started coming at me left and right wanting to fight...i was told that they had a plan to throw me off the 85 bridge on Staunton Bridge Rd. if they could have caught me up there alone. No Shit!
I fight for one reason these days...to protect my family. If you want my attention all you have to do is harm my child. I have evolved and the reason for my evolution is Love ...The Love of myself ,which has helped me Develop a better understanding of my existence. People say it's Maturity,i say it's Evolution. I matured a long time ago ,but i evolved recently in my understanding of Life. ...True Story! I figure that i should get my life together...and Learn how to be a man...Just In Case
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